So. Continuing the saga of trying to discover more about who my daimon may be, I have to say I find this a little disappointing? Puzzling? Anti-climactic? Unexpected? Yes, all those things.
See, I kind of have a real-life model in my head of who he is (at least of the aspect of himself he is presenting to me at this point in time), and oddly when I think of him, I am nearly unable to recall this real person’s actual name, and instead keep hearing the name “Patrick”.
Yep. Patrick. Insert puzzled, skeptical expression.
This is not at all what I was expecting to hear. I don’t know anyone named Patrick. I’m not sure I ever have. And yet it’s as if someone stamped “PATRICK” across a photo of this person. I mean, I really have to think hard to push the word “Patrick” out of my head to remember this guy’s real name.
I don’t know what sort of name I was expecting, but that wasn’t it. I don’t know why, I guess I thought it would be something more exotic (but hopefully at least pronounceable). This seems so … mundane. But I can’t seem to get past it. I’m trying to think if there’s an actor named Patrick that’s getting mixed up in my mind with Mr. Trickster, but can’t think of anyone it could be. Argh.
For tonight’s reading I used the Love Tarot by Sarah Bartlett and illustrated by Nancy Tolford. It’s a Majors-only deck, hence all the Majors in the spread. The question was simply “What do I need to know?” Using a four-card spread in the book, here’s what I got:
Position 1 – The questioner now — The Sun
If you say so. The book says, “As a you now card, the Sun shows your positive attitude to a partner or friend, or that you accept your partner for who they are, rather than trying to change them.” :::scratching head::: Well, I suppose so. I mean I kind of have to accept him however he chooses to present himself. The Sun also tells us to let ourselves shine, so probably best to just be myself and let him be himself.
Position 2 – Obstacles/blockages — Strength
In the “Blockage” position we are warned to force our own pace in relationship, and not to let doubts and fears deter us from our true path of action. Strength is about subjugating our baser instincts, controlling our nature, harnessing our Will. I can’t let the situation control me.
Position 3 – Recent influences — Death
Well, well, well. Death is about transformations, something ending so that something else can begin. It’s a dynamic card, which seems like a paradox, but isn’t. New life comes from the essence of things that have gone before. As Carl Sagan said, “We are all made of star stuff.” Material blown off by dying stars seeds new creation. And so it is with us. I do feel like a little part of me dies every day. I guess I’ve changed since this little journey began, but I’m not sure I’m any nearer to a new understanding. Maybe the new phase is still in its infancy, must exercise more patience. I am not patient. It’s just some days feel more heartbreaking than others. It’s very hard to stay on the path.
Position 4 – Choices/outcome — The Chariot
Ohfergodssake. Back to this again, are we? Balance, taking control of an internal struggle. Harnessing the light and dark in oneself. Coupled with the Strength card I seem to have a lot of this. I guess this is a good sign as the final card, it seems to tell of some measure of peace in the future, or at least internal strength. Those two cards have much in common.