I Just Don’t Know

I’ve sort of been in the throes of a bit of an existential crisis for some time now. I’ve had the  feeling of being completely disconnected from all of humanity. It’s a puzzling situation. Even in those moments when I want to reach out to help someone, I still feel like an alien from an alternate universe. There’s this sense that nothing in my life has anything in common with anyone else’s life. Not true of course. I realize I’m an Earth native, but there’s this sense that that was something of a mistake (why do I feel like Douglas Adams is behind this?). Maybe it’s just a symptom of spending so much time alone. Apart from work, I see no one, do nothing really. I did finally get out on my bicycle today for some much needed and long overdue exercise. But as always, alone.

I pulled this card last night, the Queen of Bows from the Wild Wood Tarot.

Queen of Bows - HareBows are Fire, and according Mark Ryan and John Matthews (authors of the book) this is the Time of Bows on the Wheel of the Year, moving from Beltane through Midsummer to Lammas. The Queen of Bows is in the segment moving to Midsummer, precisely where we are now. Each suit begins with a quote. I particularly like this one:

“Destiny is not a matter of chance, it is a matter of choice; it is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved.” — William Jennings Bryan

‘Cause Bows (Wands) are about creativity and inspiration, not waiting on Destiny to deal your hand. Get fired up and get out there.

I love the image, with the Full Moon shining in the night sky. At least I think it’s the moon? Looks like a cloudy sky with the moon. I will think of it as the moon, since the book doesn’t say.

What the book does say, is this:

“A companion through life, sympathetic and understanding, leading you to a deeper awareness of what is needed to bring success to your every enterprise. Wise and witty, gentle and kindly, the Queen supports you and strengthens your resolve.”

At a time when I’m feeling this Great Disconnect, the Tarot is telling me this is not so. Somewhere, somehow, someone is there. Another spirit guide, a daemon? I haven’t gotten any impressions of anyone new. Maybe she’s been there all along, waiting for me notice her. Maybe the time wasn’t right. I’ll have to see about contacting this one.

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