Sigh. Again. Getting tired of all these repeats. I had the Queen of Pentacles from the Tarot of the Hidden Realm on April 7. Two weeks later she’s back, in a different dress. Of course, the Alice Tarot gives a slightly different take on her, as the White Chess Queen. She’s the mother who thinks she’s the world’s best mom, but in reality it’s mostly in her own mind. In some ways this bears a resemblance to my own mother, who thought very highly of her abilities. While she wasn’t scattered and ditzy like the White Queen, neither was she the loving, archetypal mother she imagined herself to be. She was not the domestic type at all. In my entire life I don’t ever remember her baking cookies. The only baking she did was apple pie for Thanksgiving, and those rolls that pop out of the can to bake. She cooked every day, of course, but again just pretty basic stuff. She wasn’t an adventurous cook, but that can also be blamed on my dad who didn’t like much. Mom was an extremely practical, frugal person, which I think this queen embodies. Growing up during the Depression as she did, she knew the value of a dollar, and passed that on. To this day anytime I buy something (like Tarot decks) that I don’t really need, I can hear her voice in my head, chiding me for it.
In some ways all of her daughters (there are five of us) were older than she was. She wasn’t a bad person, or abusive in any way, just not the nurturing mom type. I don’t recall her ever reading us bedtime stories, doing much of anything with us apart from what had to be done. We were largely on our own. She liked babies, but once we got older I think she just didn’t know what to do with us. Maybe her own mother had been the same way, I don’t know. My grandmother was dead before I was born. I know my mother adored her own mother, and took her death very hard. My mother and her family had immigrated from Norway, but my grandparents came over years before my mom and her sister. The two were left in the care of their mother’s mother, a very stern old woman who by all accounts was not the nurturing type. I’m sure my mom had abandonment issues from her parents leaving and not seeing them again for seven years. This was in the 1920s, and there just wasn’t the money for them all to come over together. So I’m not angry with her or anything, it’s just the way it was.
I’ve had a number of odd experiences since my mother died ten years ago (wow, is it really ten years?) that made me think she was trying to contact me, or just let me know she was around. Maybe these queens are her way of letting me know she still is. This one even looks a little bit like her.